Minions’ Lament

Click here to read part 1 of the series, The Philosopher King
Click here to read part 3 of the series, Lone Fang

By Rachel Artenian

Meow, meow, mew, mew, nibble, nip, coo.
Psst, Gwendolyn, is that working for you?
Purrrrr, play, leap, scratch, paddle, wriggle my rear
Cecily, I don’t think anyone knows that we’re here.

There’s a new cat in town; nothing’s the same
He makes us so mad; Punim’s his name
They kiss him and coddle him and bedeck him with jewels
They fête him with sushi; he follows no rules.

We owned this house before he arrived
We strutted and feasted and both of us thrived
Now, no more kisses, no more creamed caviar
Punim, the prince, is the one shining star

Gwendolyn, my dear, a plan must be hatched
In which Punim, the prince, is forthwith dispatched
Cecily, my twin, have you a plot?
Because, frankly, my tiny brain has not any got.

At midnight on Tuesday while Punim relaxes
In the crook of an arm that is working on taxes
We will creep o’er the ceiling in paws covered in ink
From his bed up the walls until reaching the sink

All in the house will think Punim’s gone mad.
When he’s tossed in the street, who could feel bad?
A genius you are, my Gwendolyn girl
I can’t wait til the night when the plan will unfurl…

Screech, splat, glurgle, splotz; cats in a heap
Did someone yell “Catnip” while Gweny did creep?
Ink on the curtains and ink on the ground
Someone heard snickering but there was no sound.

Gwendolyn and Cecily, felines so fair
Can be found every day combing Punim’s soft hair
The new cat in town is a most regal beast
He has two mewing minions that lead him to feast.

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  • August 27, 2015